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Noticing Something Different — Signs of Autism and What to Do Next

If you're here because something feels different about your child's development — you're in the right place. This page explains what to look for and how to begin the referral process.

You’re looking because something feels different. That instinct matters. This page doesn’t tell you whether your child is autistic — only a proper assessment can do that. What it does do is help you understand what to look for, and what to do next.

Signs in toddlers (under 3)

Common early signs that parents notice:

  • Limited or no pointing to share interest (not just to get things)
  • Not following a pointed finger to look at something
  • Delayed or unusual speech development
  • Unusual play patterns — lining up toys, intense interest in one specific thing, not using toys imaginatively
  • Strong distress at routine changes
  • Sensory differences — extreme reactions to sound, texture, light, or seeking intense sensory input
  • Reduced eye contact compared to same-age peers

No single sign means autism. Assessors look at the overall picture.

Signs in primary school age children

  • Difficulty understanding unwritten social rules
  • Intense interest in one or two specific topics
  • Very literal interpretation of language
  • Difficulty with group play and turn-taking
  • Sensory overwhelm in busy environments (school hall, playground, supermarkets)
  • Meltdowns or shutdowns that seem disproportionate to the trigger
  • Masking — trying very hard to seem “normal” at school, then falling apart at home

Signs in girls and masking

Girls are diagnosed later on average because autism often presents differently — with more masking, more social imitation, and stronger motivation to “fit in.” Signs that are more common in girls:

  • Intense social observation and imitation
  • A “best friend” they model their behaviour on
  • Anxiety that appears social rather than sensory
  • School functioning well but home very difficult
  • Exhaustion after social situations
  • Perfectionism and extreme distress at mistakes

How to request a referral

Step 1. See your GP. Describe the specific behaviours you observe — not just “I think they might be autistic.” Give examples. Bring written notes if helpful.

Step 2. Your GP will refer to either a community paediatrics team or a specialist autism assessment service.

Step 3. Expect a wait. NHS autism assessment waiting lists are 2–3 years in many areas.

While you wait

You can still request a SEND support plan from school, apply for DLA if needs are significant, and start building an evidence diary of what you observe.

Already diagnosed?

If you have already received a diagnosis → Start Here is the right next step.

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What to read next

Calm, ordered next steps. Pick the one closest to where you are right now.